Actively Still: Not Settling

Week 5

Patience is something humans in general tend to struggle with, but when it comes to waiting on God? Oh boy, talk about suffering! Waiting has a stagnant connotation, so the dangers of settling encroach on us more easily.

Waiting on God may seem like waiting for grass to grow in a desert sometimes…okay most of the time…especially when it comes to waiting for your future spouse. For those of us who feel like or know we are ready for marriage (or even for a romantic relationship, can I get an amen?) we can often get it into our heads that God has forgotten us. This is where things can get shaky, and I’m not going to tell you how to speed up this process or ensure you never have to wait long for a response from God again. God isn’t a vending machine where you put in the right coins and get whatever you want. Instead, I hope to share with you a way to healthily endure those times of perilous waiting without giving up and settling.

First, we have to break this concept that waiting means doing NOTHING. Waiting should not be a passive verb as we so often see it, it is ACTIVE. Regarding relationships, if you’re waiting around for a man…you’re gonna get bored. Once you get bored, you run the risk of latching onto someone who isn’t up to par with your worth.

The time given to us between when we set our goals and when we achieve them is a gift! During the meantime, you have opportunities to prepare yourself to reach your goals while exploring other things you love. Imagine if you got your dream job the second you wanted it. Would you have been prepared to do your job well? The same principle applies to relationships.

While you are waiting on God for your future spouse, you should be actively pursuing your life. This doesn’t mean that you try and forget your desires for marriage; instead, you aim to listen to what God wants from you in life, and strive after that.

When we become so engulfed by our desires that we lose sight of God’s plans for our lives, settling can occur. This is a problem, I think, that is becoming more and more common. People are defining themselves by their desire to be married that they look past the faults of the other person and end up settling for a relationship that doesn’t measure up to the standards set in God’s Word.

Don’t get me wrong, there is NO couple on the earth that can perfectly measure up to God’s standards, but there is a difference between failure and rejection. When a couple strives, but fails to reach God’s ideals, that is OK. They fail, like all of us in our personal walks with Christ, but they continue to try to honor God. When a couple realizes that they can never measure up and rejects any attempt to honor God in their lifestyles and relationship, that is NOT ok.

Your life doesn’t begin when you get married. If you’re in a relationship now, don’t be afraid to ask yourself if you’re settling. I urge you, even though you may think “this is the one,” to hold your relationship up to the light and see if it mirrors God’s goals for relationships. If you’re not in a relationship at all, DON’T SETTLE! Continue to seek God’s will for your life and bring your desires for marriage to Him. While waiting for your future spouse, be active in the opportunities (whether grand or small) laid out in your life.

Next week we will conclude this series with what being Actively Still means. We’ve touched on the concept that waiting is not passive and I’m excited to fully explain my thought process behind the title of this series.

Until next week,

Ariana

Actively Still: Complimenting Character

Week 4

In order to find your future GODLY spouse, you must be completely lost in Christ.

       Finding a husband or wife is near the top of the list for most people, but as Christians, should never be number one. Frustration can overtake those who feel like they’ve been single for way too long, but an important question to ask yourself is this: Are you who the person you’re looking for is looking for? Andy Stanley, pastor and author, talks about this in depth in his talk entitled THE NEW RULES FOR LOVE, SEX & DATING that I encourage you to listen to here. But to ask this in a more tangible way: if your ideal Godly future spouse were to see you now, would they pursue you?

This goes back to the age old saying, “You have to be a friend, to have a friend.”

       If you want a Godly woman, you need to be a Godly man and vice versa. It is easy to pick and choose what we do and don’t want in a spouse, but are the things we want the same things we are working on to achieve? Whether it be financial, familial or spiritual, we need to make sure we aren’t painting a picture that we don’t complement. Is a financially secure woman going to pursue a relationship with a man who doesn’t know what a savings account is? Is a man with strong familial ties going to pursue a woman who doesn’t place value in family at all? Is a Godly man or woman going to pursue a relationship with a person who isn’t actively seeking the Lord?

       I’m not talking about having to be a complete replica of each other, that would be disturbing, let’s be honest. I’m talking about aspects of your character complimenting those of your future spouse. Most likely, there is going to be a LONG list of things that are different between you and your spouse. However, favorite color and Starbucks drink isn’t what I’m referring to here.

       Your character must reflect that of Jesus Christ if you want to truly seek out a Godly spouse. When your character becomes more and more like Christ, the people you find attractive are going to reflect that as well. Opposites may attract, but for the most part we tend to seek out relationships with people who are similar to us.

In order to find your future spouse, you have to find yourself in Christ first.

       Next week we start to unfold what the heck Actively Still means and why it’s the title of this series. I’m excited to reveal my thought process behind these posts as we close up this series in the next couple of weeks!

Until next week,

Ariana

Actively Still: A God First Picture

Week 3

       Previously, we talked about the importance of having a God-first mentality, but what does that really look like? There is a great difference between knowing something and living it out. I think a big problem that rests within the church is this one: we know too much. I don’t mean that our minds are filled to the brim with wisdom from God’s Word, I mean we THINK we know ENOUGH. What good does it do if we know a thief just stole someone’s wallet yet do nothing about it? It’s great to know everything the Bible has to say, but so does Satan. The difference lies in what is chosen to be done with that knowledge. So, I’ve compiled a few ways on how to implement a God-first mentality in our everyday lives.

1. Get on that Praying Status

  I know this sounds extremely basic, but we cannot underestimate the tremendous POWER of prayer. If we aren’t dying from a terrible disease or dying for that new house, praying can seem kind of pointless in our everyday lives. We live in world of immediate satisfaction and prayer leaves little room for that. It isn’t strange to feel this way at all, our very own culture teaches us that immediacy means efficiency; thus, praying is seen as a last resort when we want things to get done. We need to be countercultural in the way we live, and by praying each morning we start our days this way. By praying daily, we prepare our hearts and minds for renewal. You may feel that there isn’t anything worth talking to Him about, but the fact that you woke up this morning is something to thank God for. You don’t have to recite the Lord’s Prayer word for word, just take time out of your mornings to talk to Him.

2. Open the Bible and Read

  “Ariana, I already KNOW I should read the Bible. This isn’t anything new!” Well, are you reading it every day? Trust I struggle with this one…nearly every day. The key to living out a God-first mentality is to put God FIRST. Jesus tells us to hide the Word in our hearts, and by reading more of the Bible we get to know more about God. Is it not easier to love someone the more you get to know them? As we reveal more about our Savior, the easier it is to fall in love with Him. By reading the Bible every day, although it may feel like a chore during the first days…or weeks… we give priority to God, rather than the TV or Facebook.

3. Ask “What Would Jesus Do?”

  Yes, we’re taking it back to the ‘90s because they knew where it was at. This sounds extremely cheesy, but it couldn’t be a better way to live out a God-first mentality. Ask yourself daily, “What would Jesus do?” By responding to life’s decisions with this question, we remove ourselves from the equation and replace us with God. The whole goal of our existence is bring glory to God, and what better way to do that than to strive to live like Him. Sometimes we come across things in our lives that we honestly don’t know what Jesus would do. Asking this question doesn’t help much if you don’t know anything about Christ. Reading the Bible is an incredible way to see what He did on the earth and use that as guidance into His character. It is in these moments that we stop and ask God, “What would you do?”

4. CHOOSE

  These are NOT steps to a happy Christian life. Anyone can pray, read the Bible and try to think about what Jesus would do in their situation, but if their HEART is not in the right place, living a God-first mentality is null and void. There is a difference between a ritualistic religious lifestyle and living God-first. You can’t pray, read and ask each day to simply check things off your Christian To-Do List. Praying each day can get tiring. Reading each day can get annoying. Asking what would Jesus do with your decisions can get frustrating. But love is more than the emotions we feel, love is a CHOICE. When we choose to love God first; through the exhaustion, irritation and frustration, we begin to live a God-first life.

       You may be wondering where the Actively Still title is going to come into play, but be patient. As the conclusion of this series nears in the upcoming weeks, I pray you’ll be able to see where this idea of being Actively Still works into every post. As for now, we will continue next week talking about our character and how important it is when we seek out romantic relationships.

Until Next Week,

Ariana

Actively Still: Placing God First

Week 2

As Christians, placing God first may seem like a no-brainer, but it is becoming increasingly difficult to tell apart Christians and non-Christians in the dating scene. How are we living out our faith in every aspect of our lives? The popular story of Adam and Eve is a great depiction of the importance of a relationship with God before a relationship with anyone else.

God created man in His image meaning a number of different things, but especially meaning that we were all created for relationships. We are communal beings, as depicted from the beginning of humankind when God said, “It is not good for man to be alone,” (Genesis 2:18). God created men and women with a commandment of increasing in number and filling the earth. Men and women were created for relationships; however, this story speaks to a bigger truth.

As shown in the Bible, the fall of humankind began when Eve valued something over her relationship with God. She was deceived into thinking more value could be placed in the words of the serpent and Adam was deceived that more value could be placed in the words of Eve. A broken relationship with God begot a broken relationship with each other.

God could have created Eve out of anything, but interestingly enough, He created her out of Adam’s side. The significance of this is huge, Eve was created as an equal to Adam. She wasn’t made from Adam’s foot or heal, but instead his side as a partner. However, as a result of her misplaced values, Eve’s relationship with Adam changed from equal to a submissive (Genesis 3:16).

Adam was cursed with incredibly demanding hard labor for the entirety of his life. God speaks in Genesis 3:19 that, “By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken; for dust you are and to dust you will return.” I don’t know about you, but this is pretty intense. If you think these consequences didn’t have a bad effect on their relationship, let’s think about it just tad bit more.

Working day in and day out for food and shelter is taxing on the body, especially when you’re used to eating your fill of delicious and refreshing fruit at your leisure. Being tired all the time, you don’t think Adam fell asleep on Eve talking about her day? Or getting irritated because dinner wasn’t ready when he got home? Well, how do you think Eve felt when her husband was given rule over her? You don’t think she became upset and tried to assert some authority? I’m sure all these different factors put a strain on their relationship, don’t you think?

The consequences of these misplaced values not only affected their individual lives, but their relationship with each other. In the same way that Adam and Eve reaped consequences in their relationship, we also reap consequences when we value our relationships with each other before our relationship with God. This is why placing God first in ANY relationship is so important. When we misplace our values in life, it affects every aspect, especially those intimate relationships.

In next week’s post, we’ll discuss about what this looks like, focusing on how to apply a God-first mentality in our everyday and intimate relationships.

Until next week,

Ariana

Actively Still: An Introduction

Week 1

For the next couple of weeks, I will be delving into a series I call Actively Still. Being actively still is something God brought to my attention a couple years back. Although this may seem like a paradoxical statement, I feel that it encompasses a strong truth. The aim for this series is to explain what it means to be Actively Still regarding Godly singleness and relationships.

What are the things most Christians say they’re looking for in a husband or wife? Being a Christian of course, right? Well, do we even know what that looks like? How do we find those Christian potential candidates of spousery? We go to christianmingle.com, that young adults small group where all the single Christians at church are thirsty (for the blood of Jesus, I mean), you may even go on Missions trips searching for that special someone who has a heart for the helpless.

None of these things are bad, don’t get me wrong, but is this the extent of our searching? It is important to surround ourselves with fellow believers (Proverbs 13:20), so it just makes sense to look for our future spouse in these areas. But if this is all you’re doing, you’re missing the most important parts.

In this series, we will go deeper into the importance of having a relationship with God BEFORE having a relationship with anyone else. I know this may seem like a no-brainer, but actively and wholeheartedly seeking the Lord looks different than going to the local small group to scope out the singles scene.

This short introduction to Actively Still has left room for many questions to be asked. I encourage you to ask away in the comments below or send me a message via the Contact Me page.

Until next week,

Ariana